Dear Hygiene Perpetrators:

Literally drop everything you’re doing right now, and take a shower.  And no, that does not mean drench yourself in cologne or, even worse, axe.  If you do this, you’re tacky, and I hate you.



My inspiration for this post is the kid in one of my classes, who has definitely never heard the words “shower” or “soap” in his life.  With the simple movement of an arm, he can cause a major disturbance in the classroom.  I have literally met with my professor in her office hours to discus this issue.  JK, that’s a lie. I made her stop class so we could haver an emergency discussion outside about this pressing matter. #SorryImNotSorry. Out of respect, I’m not going to mention any names or specifics, but if you think this is you, IT PROBABLY IS. Obviously, this disgusting excuse for a human is not the only one who falls under this category of Hygiene Perpetrators, so that is why I am writing this. There are other demons out there, unfortunately.

Aside from the health issues that come with not showering regularly, (which I don’t have to worry about because that part is not my problem), and the embarrassment of smelling bad, you are simply hurting the community.  Think of all the people you are endangering and exposing to your vile fumes.  Be a good samaritan. Shower. Use Soap. 

For those of you who don’t know, this is how one typically showers:

  1.  Shampoo.  You put it in your hair. And scrub your head with it.
  2. Conditioner. Makes your hair soft.
  3. SOAP. ( aka: BODY WASH.)  THIS IS THE MAIN EVENT. Scrub your entire body with it. Repeat. 76 times. Use a loofah. It works better.
  4. Face Wash. No one likes pimples.
I don’t always NEVER get on my knees, but for the love of GOD and SOAP, PLEASE USE PROPER HYGIENE.

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